Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Rest, Regroup, Reset

Why do I feel so guilty when I say no? I was asked to do/help with/host four different things yesterday, and said no to most of them, and now today feel pretty terrible, because TECHNICALLY, I could do the things, but MENTALLY, I just didn't feel capable.

I think my guilt must have something to do with our inability to just be still and not feel like we must be doing something. We have decided the credo of our life will be to be EXHAUSTED when we meet Jesus - nothing left, all poured out for Him. We miss opportunities alot, or choose unwisely where to spend our energy, but that is the mantra always in our heads - "Exhausted for Jesus." (especially when reading things like Ann Voskamp's recent post - it will rip your heart out, and you need to read it and do something. Come, Lord Jesus! Please, today even!)

So after that, my exhaustion seems so, so, so trivial. But here, in this country, in this era, with these resources, is where I have been planted. 

And I am telling you, these past 3 or 4 weeks have worn me out, worn Preston out, and occasionally even worn out the child who has never, not once in her life, admitted to tiredness. I just know it's worn her out because she falls asleep only asking about thunderstorms 85 times instead of 300. 

And I know for a fact a lot of you have had a May similar to ours what with stories of unloading and putting away dirty dishes, forgetting house guests arriving until the morning they call to tell you what time to expect them for supper, neglecting to send in things you committed to send in, once again sending children to school in the wrong attire, Lego incidents, throw up, pinkeye, separated clavicles, exploding toilets, and extreme outrage over next year's school forms being sent home ALREADY. 

I think being still must be an actual skill. Preston and I do not appear to have it. We need to practice it. Maybe this weekend. We have nothing on the calendar for Saturday or Sunday, and I am determined to keep it that way. We shall see. We are going to be recluses, rest, regroup, and reset for two days. 

This is my plan: (Can you plan rest? Whatever.)

We are going to make a fun doodle of all the things we want to do this summer. 
(Is it resting if we are planning things to do during our non-rest? I started with my things to make a better post picture.)

We are going to swim in the redneck pool with our resident mermaid.

We are going to shoot baskets in the new basketball hoop, the installation of which almost caused us to need a marriage-saving intervention. 

We are going to ride the trails behind our house. (You might be able to glimpse the top of three little girls' heads if you zoom in closely. We have a ball field and then trails for biking/four wheeling/getting ticks/walking/running cut into this field behind our house.)

We are going to catch butterflies.

We are going to work on reading. (per her request when she realized she could read a lot of this book)

We are going to play Dutch Blitz over and over, and I will smoke my children at Scattergories the Card Game (because they need to learn to lose graciously).

I am going to finish East of Eden, because I've been reading it forever but keep falling asleep.

So that's the plan. 

With my favorite people.

Sounds restful to me. 

But still not "still." Hmmm. 

I'm going to be ok with that. 

Grace for the First Weekend of Summer, 

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