Friday, December 12, 2014


Ok, admittedly I am new to the world of professional sports for children under the age of 10 (a.k.a. YMCA youth basketball). In fact, we rather discourage our children from engaging in activities outside the house, especially ones which require one of us to leave the house at rush hour and deliver a child to another location, wait around for a half hour to an hour, which inevitably results in the poor decision to purchase a strawberry slush and cheese sticks from Sonic as a reward for my sacrifice of time, and then drive back home to frantically scramble through baths, teeth brushing, and devotions, (i.e. "the whole bedtime mess") resulting in the appearance of Impatient, Yelling Mommy which in turn causes Sobbing Children to show up. Also, we feel strongly if one of our children should show a gifting in a certain extracurricular activity, they will still have that gifting at the ripe old age of 10 or even 12 and can start their training then.

So far, no one seems to be showing star qualities in any one area, so we don't have a lot to worry about as far as rush hour deliveries are concerned. We've tried gymnastics - lasted 8 weeks, no one could do a cartwheel, realized this was costing REAL money as opposed to Monopoly money, and pulled those little nonflexible girls right out. (They have since learned cartwheeling right in our own yard without the assistance of a paid gymnastics coach.) Also, they attempted tap, but the whining that went along with, again, the REAL money being spent was more than Mommy could handle, and no tears were shed when we informed them of the decision to discontinue their dancing careers as well. Turns out they just wanted to see their cousin, who was also in tap class, which we can do for FREE. Anyways, we'd really rather be at home playing Pay Day which they appear to be somewhat talented in. If colleges start offering scholarships in board games, watch out! (Or is it "bored?" As in, I'm bored so I'm playing this game. I've never been sure.) 

But I digress. Snacks..... I mean, what the heck? They passed the ball a few times, properly defined a triple threat, dribbled a record eight times in a row and were rewarded with a capri-sun and a bag of cheez-its. I'll have to ask my sister-in-law, who runs marathons for fun (no one even makes her!), but I'm pretty sure they would have needed to run a 5K in record time to justify that snack. Plus, nine capri suns and nine individual bags of cheez-its costs approximately $112 in today's economy, and now I know I will be asked to provide snacks of equal wonderfulness in the eyes of these 6 - 8 year olds. And when I tried to pry actual basketball practice details from them, I got an excited showcasing of one child's empty snack containers and how delicious they had been and could I get some for her lunch box? and a display of the other child's unopened containers because these snacks are so rare they must be saved for a more appropriate time when they can be savored since you are impatiently rushing us off to bed, Mommy. (It was almost 8 pm by the time they got home!!! My me time is supposed to start at 8!) What about the coach? Did you shoot the ball? Were the other children nice? Did you EVEN BREAK A SWEAT? Those are the details I was searching for. Nope. Cheez-its, front and center. And apparently they will require a snack after every practice and every game. What the what now?? And how does a POST game/practice snack help them play better?

Super intense practice. Whew! Get those kids a capri sun, stat! And look, one girl has on her t-shirt we got free when signing up for gymnastics. I guess all those weeks and money weren't wasted after all.

Why can't kids feel a little hunger? I mean, there are children in the world who won't be offered a meal today, much less three meals and 87 snacks. And why must they have water bottles at their constant disposal? They are supposed to sip constantly to hydrate their brain, but when they aren't sipping they are in the bathroom because of all the constant hydration. Again, some children will spend all day walking to get a bucket of clean water, lug the heavy water bucket home, sleep, and then start the whole process over again tomorrow.

Message to American Child - get a sip of water from the water fountain your school is required by law to provide for you and move on. Also, eat your meals when they are offered to you, two of which your school is required to provide if your family needs a little help in that area. Should you choose not to eat it, another meal will be offered in about 4 - 5 hours, which you may also refuse. This process will be repeated until you get hungry enough to eat the meal placed before you.

And even though I write all this, I will undoubtedly purchase some disgusting cracker/cheese/Koolaid combination so the girls won't become known around the community sports arenas as the "girls who won't bring snack." Or, even worse, if I buy a bag of apples, which is what I really want to do, "the girls who bring (gasp!) healthy snacks!" And I will continue to lovingly (or begrudgingly? I get those confused, too.) fill a water bottle and tuck it into their backpacks. (Which roll. Because the one folder required by early elementary school grades is too heavy to wear on their backs. Or just carry.)

By the way, the fact that this post coincides with two of the girls' school "snack week" which requires me to provide a total of 145 sugar-free snacks for the week, (it also helps if they are nut, gluten, and dye free, but we haven't reached that requirement threshold yet) and it is my week to wash the classroom water bottles, AND it is our week to provide snacks and drinks after a grinding 6 -8 year old basketball practice is purely coincidental. Probably.

Grace for today and enough snacks for tomorrow, 



  1. Martha~this is hilarious and so well said! Found you through your sister in law. Sharing on my FB page. Blessings to you today!


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