Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Have You Ever Played This Game?

I made up a game. You can only play it the week before Christmas break. I bet you have played it before, too. See if this sounds familiar. 

Mom! I need a bag of individually wrapped candy! This one has tricked you before - one year you bought a big bag of m and m's and wrapped it, thinking they were exchanging bags of candy as a gift. Nope. The next time this request was made, you wrapped each individual kid a Reese's. Also wrong. So on your third try, you checked with the teacher and got it right: a bag of candy in which each piece inside is individually wrapped. But you forgot the kid needed it and ended up running to Walgreen's after drop-off and running back to the school to deliver it. Score a point for you anyway.

Wife! Could you help me make a big pot of that pumpkin soup next week for all 75 teachers at my school for lunch? Code: Husband needs you to make this for him but he sneakily throws in the word "help" so you are more agreeable. Husband is amazing at a lot of things, but cooking is definitely not on that list. You got the soup made but realized as Husband was walking out the door with it you had forgotten to add the half and half, which is the best part of the soup, and had not tasted it for seasoning at all, so you chase him out into the cold, hollering directions about not scorching it while he is reheating it lest he waste all "our" hard work. Score lots of points for you to be redeemed at a later date when needing Husband to do a project he does not enjoy, like folding little girl laundry.

Mom! I need to wear all red today! Seeing as the girls wear uniforms to school, this one really caught you off guard. Luckily, a red t-shirt was just gifted to Oldest Girl for her birthday, but other than a red tutu, there is nothing to go on the bottom. You call your neighbors, who happen to be your relatives, and request that one of your nephews trot over with some red pants or something with a drawstring so they can be strapped onto the girl since all the neighbor cousins are boys and older than your girls. Your nephew shows up with giant Under Armour shorts you can tie on super tight. Girl is satisfied. Score one for you.

Mom I'm staying with while my mom is out of town! I need to wear pajamas to school tomorrow! - This is actually score one for you, too, because that means one less child needs to get dressed.

Surrogate Mom! I need to study for a test about rats that we dissected! This really stinks because you don't remember anything about dissecting a rat, much less a pregnant one that had babies inside that you got to hear all about and about how one boy accidentally popped the head off one of the rat fetuses. Hopefully the kid passed the test, but he isn't technically yours and you are extremely grossed out so you don't really have to care. No points scored.

Self! You told your sister-in-law you would bring the cake to MIL's birthday lunch, but you forgot how everyone needed to be in different places at different times all weekend and do not have time to bake a cake. You call Husband, and he confirms the plan to buy a cake is a good one. You head towards a local cupcake shop but forget your town is hosting a Christmas celebration people attend from far and wide and end up in ridiculous traffic. You change plans and head to a different cupcake shop. Upon pulling into the parking lot, you notice the cupcake shop is no longer there, so you google it. Cupcake shop has moved up the road. You zoom out of the parking lot in your speedy minivan because it is almost time to pick up a girl at a birthday party. You barely make it, but you do. Score one for you.

Mom! I need to wear a robe and slippers and take puzzles to school today! - You text your group of mom friends who text each other a million times a day to confirm little details like this that you can't hardly believe are true and sure enough, the child isn't lying. This is a real problem because she doesn't have a robe, her stompeez (google it - or don't because then a kid will see it and add it to their Christmas list at the last second) are too small. You suggest she wrap herself in a blanket and wear her sister's slipper socks. Blanket idea isn't well received. Sister threatens death if sister needing slippers dares to wear her slipper socks. You intervene and give a mini lecture on sharing and threaten sister who was threatening other sister. A blanket with a hood is found and deemed acceptable. Puzzles the girl selected are left on the counter. You figure she's eight now and should have remembered without you reminding her. Probably should be a draw, but still score one for you.

Mom! It actually isn't my snack week! This is a crushing blow for you seeing as you already purchased all the snacks and BLOGGED about it. But you decide to hide the snacks because the first week back from Christmas break is your now confirmed-by-the-teacher snack week, so you can save them. Except for the apples. But you are making everyone eat an apple every time they even make a peep about being hungry, so you get the point anyway.

Wife! Can you make your homemade cinnamon rolls for all the people in my department and the cafeteria ladies who sneak me free lunch and make chocolate gravy for me all the time? Ten pans should do nicely. - Oh, my word. Actually, you choose other words you say in your head, but you don't speak them so you don't want to type them on your blog. You and the Baby spend a day making an insane amount of cinnamon rolls. You recruit Husband to help put them in bags and tie on the ribbons and realize you have not made enough. You think more not-so-nice words when you realize another day will be spent making cinnamon rolls. Lose a point.

Mom! Can we make these fun cookies you marked on Pinterest? You agree, thinking this looks like an easy project you can knock out and will be really fun. See pictures. You lose all your points.

But then you get a moment like this, and suddenly the points no longer count. You are so glad these people look to you when they need things and can't believe they are yours to care for. Your eyes water a little. 

And then you hear someone yell, "MOM!!!" and you really start to cry.

Grace for the Season,

No comments:

Post a Comment

Share your own craziness here. We are all in this together. Let's laugh about it.